Saturday, June 25, 2011

About My 5 Day Hospital Stay

This is my fourth day home from the hospital and I am still weak, "heavy" feeling and have little endurance. I am not complaining... my pain and discomfort level is at about a level 2 out of 10 which is a huge improvement!
My struggle now is re-creating a sense of stability... this episode was one of the biggest I have had. My "mental self-talk" is insecure about my abilities... and about future planning... the perpetual "rug" is apt to be pulled from beneath me again at any time... leaving me dysfunctional wherever I am... work, home, driving, traveling... it is scary.
I was told, "I waited too long before seeking medical attention"... my reply is... how do I know when to go??? Some times simple rest and carb-loading reverse the escalating symptoms of AIP... other times things cross a point and spin wildly out of all control! How do you apply logic to all of this? Not to mention...that "Resting" on too many work days will put one "Out of Work" permanently.
I was told, "It is our medical opinion that you should manage your stress more effectively to avoid AIP triggering"... I agree. How? I am an uber nutrition "Freak", I exercise daily, Sauna regularly, Vent issues, Proactively spear-head problems as they arise... seek professional and personal support for my children's on-going behavioral challenges... talk to a marriage counselor... and Pray A Lot!!!
Wrestling with a sense of hopelessness can lead to depression for me. I am trying to focus my energy on the positive attributes in life... donning negativity filters... avoiding anything and anybody that doesn't see "the glass half full".
Until my energy is re-established I find, for me, it is best to stay close to home... it requires a fair share of "negativity filtering" right here... and that is all the energy I can muster until tomorrow... then maybe I will venture out...

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